It’s Very Difficult to Make New Experiences Work for You, When the Old Baggage Keeps Filling Up Your Mind Open Yourself to New Patterns of Healthy Living

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Probably one of the hardest things for singles to master is separating and making peace with things that have happened in the past.  What makes it particularly challenging is when it leads to confusion in your current situations and relationships because you are unsure about the accuracy of your experience.  Singles  ask themselves, “Is this based on what I know in the present? Or is this reminding me of what happened with - in the past?”

Well, what can you do?  Come to terms with what keeps re-surfacing in your life.  Accept what it was, accept how it affected you, and accept that it may be a memory that will be with you for some time.  Then, let it go.  Say good-bye and take control over what you desire to be present in your life.  Remind yourself that your single life vision does not include doubts and misguided decision-making.  If a current experience brings back these memories and accompanying feelings, then pause to reflect on its validity.  These cues can also be important, protective reminders that prevent you from repeating previous mistakes as well as breaking unhealthy patterns of behavior.  Trust that you can follow the course that is best for you.  Ask for feedback when you still can’t determine the influence of old baggage on your vision for today. 

 YWSN Solutions

Affirmation: Today I nurture the past and become open to the riches offered by today.

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Know What You Want? Find a healthy place between the essential qualities and dating diva directory.

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This seems to be an area where many singles struggle-often unknowingly.  It is only after ongoing frustration that they finally stop to analyze what’s not working in the dates and relationships that I have encountered.  What I often find, is that single men and women are unclear about what truly matters in an ideal partner.  There are 2 issues that make this an uphill battle:  Being too picky (having a dating diva directory of “must-haves”) or not being picky enough (”sure, whatever” philosophy).  Both can sabotage success if you are striving to find Mr./Mrs. Right.

There is a fine line between being too picky and being true to what you value most.  Some singles, in an effort to be selective, cross the line and create a huge list of requirements that are usually very difficult to meet.  I am the first one to emphasize that every person deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship and should be the one who chooses individuals based on the importance of their existing values.  The issues arise when this criteria includes items that are unrealistic.  To address this, it is necessary to develop a priority list.   

Then there are those who lack the knowledge about what is important to them in a potential date.  Within this category,  I have also come across singles who have some ideas, but do not maintain standards where relationships are concerned.  He/she is often the person who does not believe in their own worth, lacks personal insight, and/or is accepting less than they deserve to fill a void of caused by loneliness.  To address this, try creating your list of “essentials”, “would-be nice”, and “icing on the cake” items.  Remind yourself that you are worthy of a relationship that reflects your values and needs and be your own best friend and support yourself to say no to those who fall short. 

Affirmation:  If I know, love and respect me, others will be expected to do the same.

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