Know What You Want? Find a healthy place between the essential qualities and dating diva directory.

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This seems to be an area where many singles struggle-often unknowingly.  It is only after ongoing frustration that they finally stop to analyze what’s not working in the dates and relationships that I have encountered.  What I often find, is that single men and women are unclear about what truly matters in an ideal partner.  There are 2 issues that make this an uphill battle:  Being too picky (having a dating diva directory of “must-haves”) or not being picky enough (”sure, whatever” philosophy).  Both can sabotage success if you are striving to find Mr./Mrs. Right.

There is a fine line between being too picky and being true to what you value most.  Some singles, in an effort to be selective, cross the line and create a huge list of requirements that are usually very difficult to meet.  I am the first one to emphasize that every person deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship and should be the one who chooses individuals based on the importance of their existing values.  The issues arise when this criteria includes items that are unrealistic.  To address this, it is necessary to develop a priority list.   

Then there are those who lack the knowledge about what is important to them in a potential date.  Within this category,  I have also come across singles who have some ideas, but do not maintain standards where relationships are concerned.  He/she is often the person who does not believe in their own worth, lacks personal insight, and/or is accepting less than they deserve to fill a void of caused by loneliness.  To address this, try creating your list of “essentials”, “would-be nice”, and “icing on the cake” items.  Remind yourself that you are worthy of a relationship that reflects your values and needs and be your own best friend and support yourself to say no to those who fall short. 

Affirmation:  If I know, love and respect me, others will be expected to do the same.

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Tags: Dating, Values

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 at 9:35 am and is filed under Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.