Can You Predict Your Day?

Not only can you predict your day,

you can create the vibe and quality of the interactions

and activities as well.

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Have you ever considered the daily routines that many people incorporate into their lives without a second thought?  For example, do you start your day with the breaking news through radio, tv or internet?  This habit is common for most.  What did you hear about in these earliest moments of your day?  The latest homicides, fatal car accidents, or maybe bleak financial projections? And how many times were these “highlights” repeated as you continued your preparation and/or commute for the day?  Did you then become so perplexed by the content that you shared it with others in your surrounding?

If you are determined to control what sets the spirit for your day (as well as contributes to those around you) then you may want to consider how you can filter exposure to the ongoing messages of despair and violence.  What would you lose if you did not hear about the latest tragedy as you began your day?  What would you gain?  I think that you understand my point.  Our society tends to emphasize and amplify shocking information which then plays a significant role in the lack of hope and anxiety that so many face. I choose to screen out the drama whenever possible.  I rarely listen to news and limit the amount of time that I spend discussing the worst events of the day.  It works for me!

YWSN Solutions
Affirmation: Each day, I am the authority for all that disturbs or nurtures my spirit.

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It’s Very Difficult to Make New Experiences Work for You, When the Old Baggage Keeps Filling Up Your Mind

Open Yourself to New Patterns of Healthy Living 

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Probably one of the hardest things for singles to master is separating and making peace with things that have happened in the past.  What makes it particularly challenging is when it leads to confusion in your current situations and relationships because you are unsure about the accuracy of your experience.  Singles  ask themselves, “Is this based on what I know in the present? Or is this reminding me of what happened with - in the past?”

Well, what can you do?  Come to terms with what keeps re-surfacing in your life.  Accept what it was, accept how it affected you, and accept that it may be a memory that will be with you for some time.  Then, let it go.  Say good-bye and take control over what you desire to be present in your life.  Remind yourself that your single life vision does not include doubts and misguided decision-making.  If a current experience brings back these memories and accompanying feelings, then pause to reflect on its validity.  These cues can also be important, protective reminders that prevent you from repeating previous mistakes as well as breaking unhealthy patterns of behavior.  Trust that you can follow the course that is best for you.  Ask for feedback when you still can’t determine the influence of old baggage on your vision for today. 

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Affirmation: Today I nurture the past and become open to the riches offered by today.

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Know What You Want?

Find a healthy place between the essential qualities and dating diva directory.

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This seems to be an area where many singles struggle-often unknowingly.  It is only after ongoing frustration that they finally stop to analyze what’s not working in the dates and relationships that I have encountered.  What I often find, is that single men and women are unclear about what truly matters in an ideal partner.  There are 2 issues that make this an uphill battle:  Being too picky (having a dating diva directory of “must-haves”) or not being picky enough (”sure, whatever” philosophy).  Both can sabotage success if you are striving to find Mr./Mrs. Right.

There is a fine line between being too picky and being true to what you value most.  Some singles, in an effort to be selective, cross the line and create a huge list of requirements that are usually very difficult to meet.  I am the first one to emphasize that every person deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship and should be the one who chooses individuals based on the importance of their existing values.  The issues arise when this criteria includes items that are unrealistic.  To address this, it is necessary to develop a priority list.   

Then there are those who lack the knowledge about what is important to them in a potential date.  Within this category,  I have also come across singles who have some ideas, but do not maintain standards where relationships are concerned.  He/she is often the person who does not believe in their own worth, lacks personal insight, and/or is accepting less than they deserve to fill a void of caused by loneliness.  To address this, try creating your list of “essentials”, “would-be nice”, and “icing on the cake” items.  Remind yourself that you are worthy of a relationship that reflects your values and needs and be your own best friend and support yourself to say no to those who fall short. 

Affirmation:  If I know, love and respect me, others will be expected to do the same.

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Ignored, Disrespected, Criticized? You Don’t Need to Tolerate It

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This topic goes right back to your values and your commitment to ensure that what exists in your life is a reflection of these values. Also at the heart of singles who tolerate behavior that is unacceptable is the value that is placed on themselves and, for some, the strong desire to have a partner (on almost any terms) in their lives.

There were 2 distinct periods in my life where I have reflected on the behaviors that I tolerated from the people that I had been dating. The 1st period was quite early in my life when I was a teen and the 2nd period was my late 20s to early 30s, when the quietly brewing anxiety related to not being married peaked. Now some would say that, on a larger scale, the things that I tolerated were minor. I tend to disagree. Anything that takes a person away from their right to live with a sense of freedom and fulfillment signifies grounds for removal wherever possible. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 right? Its so hard to see at that time. It wasn’t until I began to focus on myself, my development, my true potential and assets that I kicked it all to the curb and put the “whoo-hoo” back in my vocabulary.

Have you reached a point where you can reflect on your past dates and relationships with sincerity? Are you clear and driven to only accept behaviors that you are deserving of? If not, there is no better time. With each action that you tolerate, you minimize the value that you place on your own life. Start seeing the incredible assets that you bring to any circumstance, and you will no longer be willing to accept what falls below your standards. If it means that you lose a relationship (or potential relationship), then so be it. Eventually, when the dust (or grief) settles, you will see that it has only left more room for better. I’m sure you are familiar with the saying, “when one door closes, another one opens”.

Affirmation: I structure my life to uphold my true values and identity.

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Is it important? Do they have it?

Don’t Compromise Your Values

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Your values represent your personal index of what you consider most essential in life. No one is completely void of values. They simply vary from person to person and between levels of awareness. If singles do not take the time to think about those values, they can easily be overlooked when making important choices. One of the most crucial choices for singles relates to who you surround yourself with - including dates.

The problem with living your life with an awareness and adherence to things that you most value, is that many people cannot identify them. Many years ago, my name would have been in bold letters in this category of the “in the dark” about what I valued most. “You can’t solve the problem because you don’t know what it is” ~ A Course in Miracles. It also goes to say that, if you don’t know what you value, you can be sure that it is relatively non-existent in the course of daily living. Through my own personal development process (combined with repeated exposure to contradictions) I became quite clear about the things that are important to me. With this clarity, I was able to know quite quickly whether or not a person in my life was in opposition to or supportive to my particular values. It took all of the wondering and internal turmoil away. The knowledge put me in control. “When you don’t have a grip on life, it will definitely get a grip on you” ~ Jewel Diamond-Taylor.

I would agree that you can’t always have complete control of the people with opposing values where family and career may be concerned. You do, however, have a certain level of control in these areas. Where you do have exclusive control is in your social relationships and dating. Don’t give that control away. Know what is important to you, commit to its existence in your life and be prepared to move on if the person doesn’t fit.

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What would your last date say about your presence and interaction with them?  Would they say that you seemed anxious or pre-occupied?  Think about how you are presenting yourself and what you are getting from each encounter.  Give the gift of just enjoying and being to yourself first and foremost.  Your date will benefit as well. 

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Seek out that particular mental attitude which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, “This is the real me,” and when you have found that attitude, follow it.

~William James

Passions Uncovered Through Growth

Life transformations that occur from such experiences as divorce, starting a new job, or a major illness, will lead to opportunities for growth that can modify your perception on the way you have been living your life. The process will often bring to light key details that previously had not been in the forefront, including your values and passions. Feeling unsupported at the start of a new job, for example, may lead you to develop an enhanced welcoming and mentoring committee.  You may find that assuming this role is something that you enjoy doing.  Many parents have established advocacy groups and organizations following an experience such as losing a child.  Has there been an experience that has resulted in your discovery of a new passion?  Have you acted upon this new awareness? 

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