Ignored, Disrespected, Criticized? You Don’t Need to Tolerate It

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This topic goes right back to your values and your commitment to ensure that what exists in your life is a reflection of these values. Also at the heart of singles who tolerate behavior that is unacceptable is the value that is placed on themselves and, for some, the strong desire to have a partner (on almost any terms) in their lives.

There were 2 distinct periods in my life where I have reflected on the behaviors that I tolerated from the people that I had been dating. The 1st period was quite early in my life when I was a teen and the 2nd period was my late 20s to early 30s, when the quietly brewing anxiety related to not being married peaked. Now some would say that, on a larger scale, the things that I tolerated were minor. I tend to disagree. Anything that takes a person away from their right to live with a sense of freedom and fulfillment signifies grounds for removal wherever possible. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 right? Its so hard to see at that time. It wasn’t until I began to focus on myself, my development, my true potential and assets that I kicked it all to the curb and put the “whoo-hoo” back in my vocabulary.

Have you reached a point where you can reflect on your past dates and relationships with sincerity? Are you clear and driven to only accept behaviors that you are deserving of? If not, there is no better time. With each action that you tolerate, you minimize the value that you place on your own life. Start seeing the incredible assets that you bring to any circumstance, and you will no longer be willing to accept what falls below your standards. If it means that you lose a relationship (or potential relationship), then so be it. Eventually, when the dust (or grief) settles, you will see that it has only left more room for better. I’m sure you are familiar with the saying, “when one door closes, another one opens”.

Affirmation: I structure my life to uphold my true values and identity.

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Is it important? Do they have it? Don’t Compromise Your Values

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Your values represent your personal index of what you consider most essential in life. No one is completely void of values. They simply vary from person to person and between levels of awareness. If singles do not take the time to think about those values, they can easily be overlooked when making important choices. One of the most crucial choices for singles relates to who you surround yourself with - including dates.

The problem with living your life with an awareness and adherence to things that you most value, is that many people cannot identify them. Many years ago, my name would have been in bold letters in this category of the “in the dark” about what I valued most. “You can’t solve the problem because you don’t know what it is” ~ A Course in Miracles. It also goes to say that, if you don’t know what you value, you can be sure that it is relatively non-existent in the course of daily living. Through my own personal development process (combined with repeated exposure to contradictions) I became quite clear about the things that are important to me. With this clarity, I was able to know quite quickly whether or not a person in my life was in opposition to or supportive to my particular values. It took all of the wondering and internal turmoil away. The knowledge put me in control. “When you don’t have a grip on life, it will definitely get a grip on you” ~ Jewel Diamond-Taylor.

I would agree that you can’t always have complete control of the people with opposing values where family and career may be concerned. You do, however, have a certain level of control in these areas. Where you do have exclusive control is in your social relationships and dating. Don’t give that control away. Know what is important to you, commit to its existence in your life and be prepared to move on if the person doesn’t fit.

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Without realizing it, Marg started to carry her frustration with the online dating process around with her on each and every date.She admitted that she was probably a drag to be on a date with because she had become cynical about the outcome. Marg adjusted her attitude and let go of her internalized pressure to be in a relationship and get married. She came to believe that she will enjoy her ideal life with the right perspective combined with action taken that supports her way of thinking and desired visions. She recognized immediately how relaxed she was and saw the difference in the response from her future dates. The conversations were much more comfortable.

What would your last date say about your presence and interaction with them?  Would they say that you seemed anxious or pre-occupied?  Think about how you are presenting yourself and what you are getting from each encounter.  Give the gift of just enjoying and being to yourself first and foremost.  Your date will benefit as well. 

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