June - Singles Summer Resiliency

Make sure it’s right, then make it more resilient

Theme (click the arrow to play)

As the warm and vibrant hues of the summer give way to the more subdued palette of fall, some singles may find that their sizzling summer romance begins to show signs of simmering.  The foundation for a lasting relationship can be developed by considering three stages that nurture long-term stability.  They are:

1.      Casual - Singles need to remember that in the beginning a comfortable and casual exchange of information, interests and experiences. Very few individuals respond positively to an over/under dater. Show interest in the “water” but do not dive in too the deep.

2.      Core - After dating for some time, singles can proceed to the next level in solidifying their relationships. Consider more of what is at the core of your partner.  Delve deeper into his/her mind in addition to the merits of the relationship.  Ask more questions of yourself and your happiness within the relationship and ask more questions of the other person.

3.      Connections - Start establishing rituals and connecting features for the relationship. What days will you spend together? What activities and events will you continue to attend together?

In the beginning, it can be challenging to transition from the more relaxed schedules present in the summer months, plentiful outdoor activities and elevated spirits that flow naturally through the summer breeze, to the differences that fall can bring about.  People tend to socialize less and return to regular work activity levels. If you start with the right base, a relationship that is worthwhile will stand the test of time. So, approach summer with enthusiasm and if you happen to meet someone special, refer to these tips to improve your summer romance resiliency.
YWSN Solutions

Coming soon - Resilient Singles: The 16-week Success Challenge

Bookmark It

Know What You Want? Find a healthy place between the essential qualities and dating diva directory.

Listen to the Audio Video Our Theme

This seems to be an area where many singles struggle-often unknowingly.  It is only after ongoing frustration that they finally stop to analyze what’s not working in the dates and relationships that I have encountered.  What I often find, is that single men and women are unclear about what truly matters in an ideal partner.  There are 2 issues that make this an uphill battle:  Being too picky (having a dating diva directory of “must-haves”) or not being picky enough (”sure, whatever” philosophy).  Both can sabotage success if you are striving to find Mr./Mrs. Right.

There is a fine line between being too picky and being true to what you value most.  Some singles, in an effort to be selective, cross the line and create a huge list of requirements that are usually very difficult to meet.  I am the first one to emphasize that every person deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship and should be the one who chooses individuals based on the importance of their existing values.  The issues arise when this criteria includes items that are unrealistic.  To address this, it is necessary to develop a priority list.   

Then there are those who lack the knowledge about what is important to them in a potential date.  Within this category,  I have also come across singles who have some ideas, but do not maintain standards where relationships are concerned.  He/she is often the person who does not believe in their own worth, lacks personal insight, and/or is accepting less than they deserve to fill a void of caused by loneliness.  To address this, try creating your list of “essentials”, “would-be nice”, and “icing on the cake” items.  Remind yourself that you are worthy of a relationship that reflects your values and needs and be your own best friend and support yourself to say no to those who fall short. 

Affirmation:  If I know, love and respect me, others will be expected to do the same.

Bookmark It

Is it important? Do they have it? Don’t Compromise Your Values

Listen to the Audio Video Our Theme

Your values represent your personal index of what you consider most essential in life. No one is completely void of values. They simply vary from person to person and between levels of awareness. If singles do not take the time to think about those values, they can easily be overlooked when making important choices. One of the most crucial choices for singles relates to who you surround yourself with - including dates.

The problem with living your life with an awareness and adherence to things that you most value, is that many people cannot identify them. Many years ago, my name would have been in bold letters in this category of the “in the dark” about what I valued most. “You can’t solve the problem because you don’t know what it is” ~ A Course in Miracles. It also goes to say that, if you don’t know what you value, you can be sure that it is relatively non-existent in the course of daily living. Through my own personal development process (combined with repeated exposure to contradictions) I became quite clear about the things that are important to me. With this clarity, I was able to know quite quickly whether or not a person in my life was in opposition to or supportive to my particular values. It took all of the wondering and internal turmoil away. The knowledge put me in control. “When you don’t have a grip on life, it will definitely get a grip on you” ~ Jewel Diamond-Taylor.

I would agree that you can’t always have complete control of the people with opposing values where family and career may be concerned. You do, however, have a certain level of control in these areas. Where you do have exclusive control is in your social relationships and dating. Don’t give that control away. Know what is important to you, commit to its existence in your life and be prepared to move on if the person doesn’t fit.

Bookmark It

Without realizing it, Marg started to carry her frustration with the online dating process around with her on each and every date.She admitted that she was probably a drag to be on a date with because she had become cynical about the outcome. Marg adjusted her attitude and let go of her internalized pressure to be in a relationship and get married. She came to believe that she will enjoy her ideal life with the right perspective combined with action taken that supports her way of thinking and desired visions. She recognized immediately how relaxed she was and saw the difference in the response from her future dates. The conversations were much more comfortable.

What would your last date say about your presence and interaction with them?  Would they say that you seemed anxious or pre-occupied?  Think about how you are presenting yourself and what you are getting from each encounter.  Give the gift of just enjoying and being to yourself first and foremost.  Your date will benefit as well. 

Bookmark It